Am I?

Today is rain.
Reacently I feel something strange.
Yesterday, I told a small lie to you.
I said I'm not so bad, but I feel like a depression.

My burden is too heavey for me.
But I know, God, You can do it.
Although, I'm too bad and too weak as a vessel of God.
I can't do this without some help from other people.

I can't make up my mind to accept all about my mom.
I feel my faith is too weak that make up my mind to carry this burden.

Nothing

I don't wanna do anything.
If I could sleep in all day and night, I can survive in this cruel my life.
Nobody care about me and then people forget about me.

When I was young school girl, always I thougt like this.
I was nothing.

I thought I could change little bit better than before by faith and grace of God.
But I can't to be holy people so easily, so soon.
I'm struggle with myself.
Of course, I'm not perfect. I have a lot of things I can't do.
People blame me about those things.

I know I'm nothing until now.
My life totally messed up all things still now.
Nobody can change a second.
But people blame me.

I feel I can't to be better forever.
I feel I'm not worthy to live.
God always forgive my sinfulness and my weakness.
I believe so. God gives me 2nd chance, not only 2nd, 3rd, 4th, forever....
I believe so that's why I didn't need to choice to disappear from this world.

But Lord, I'm not so strong. Always my life is too tough to me.
Give me Your strength. Or I can't live in this life.
I wanna run away from my life.
Cuz I'm nothing in this world forever.

In my room

Today I didn't go anywhere.
On saturday, reacently I don't wanna do anything.

Then, I'm just waiting.
I know I waste my important time.

But I can't do anything except waiting it.

Yes my friend, this is problem for me!

Rainbow

This morning
I saw rainbow and also a lot of doves.

Do you remember Noah?
Rainbow, this is the promise for us from God.
Then, a dove has good news to Noah.

Today I saw both.

God gives me promise but I don't know what is that.
But I can say, God gives me promise.

My Lover

My lover spoke and said to me,
Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me.

My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
let me hear your voice:
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
(song of sol 2:10,14)

If nobody loved me, but MY GOD, He loves me.
It is all I need in my life.

Nobody

Nobody gives me E-mail.
Nobody gives me phone call.
Nobody gives me a reply.

We can keep in touch easily, but you don't give me anything.

Nobody cares about me in this earth.

I'm so lonely but you don't care about me.
You already forget about me.

I'm not a part of your life so that you can forget me easily.

I feel huge emptiness in my heart.
I can't hadle it.

I don't know what should I do about this feeling.
But nobody tells me.

Father God, please help me in this crisis.

Intro

I'm a japanese christian girl who livin' in Japan.
My city had experienced big earthquake 10yrs ago, my city is KOBE.

I learn English and I wanna let people knows japanese christian's life.

Some people says to me I'm so hyper. Jesus saved me, love me, guide me, that's why I'm so hyper.

It's just a beginning of my life, new life.

please, enjoy my hyper days!