Nothing

I don't wanna do anything.
If I could sleep in all day and night, I can survive in this cruel my life.
Nobody care about me and then people forget about me.

When I was young school girl, always I thougt like this.
I was nothing.

I thought I could change little bit better than before by faith and grace of God.
But I can't to be holy people so easily, so soon.
I'm struggle with myself.
Of course, I'm not perfect. I have a lot of things I can't do.
People blame me about those things.

I know I'm nothing until now.
My life totally messed up all things still now.
Nobody can change a second.
But people blame me.

I feel I can't to be better forever.
I feel I'm not worthy to live.
God always forgive my sinfulness and my weakness.
I believe so. God gives me 2nd chance, not only 2nd, 3rd, 4th, forever....
I believe so that's why I didn't need to choice to disappear from this world.

But Lord, I'm not so strong. Always my life is too tough to me.
Give me Your strength. Or I can't live in this life.
I wanna run away from my life.
Cuz I'm nothing in this world forever.